2

I really like looking at the sky. Different skies reminds me of different places. Right now for instance the very light blue, almost tinted green colour on the horizon behind orange tinted wispy clouds reminds me of Florida. I have such amazing memories of my holidays in Florida so this instantly makes me happy, if a little nostalgic. And the sky at night, oh my god the stars. I love looking at the stars so much. I often sit up and look out the window at them instead of sleeping. I JUST LOVE THE SKY SO MUCH. I've even thought about calling my daughter (if I ever have one) Skye, but I don't really like it as a name. Ha. Whenever I read what I've written back I just cringe. My thoughts don't sound so cringey in my head?!

1

Creating this blog was a spontaneous decision. Will I actually continue with this? I don't even know. I just feel I have too much in my head to keep in, and need somewhere to let it out. I know I am not a great communicator. I often struggle to articulate what I mean, and my thoughts come out just as jumbled into words as they are in my head.  I also realise that this will not be read by anyone, or many people, and that's fine. This isn't being written for anyone else's benefit, just mine. I've tried writing a diary, but I find it takes too long to write down what I want to by hand.

I don't feel like I'm on the same wavelength as people around me. All young people these days seems to care about is fashion and their appearance, shitty chart music, who's sleeping with who etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking down on these people. And I'm not totally innocent of this either, as I regularly participate in these conversations and activities. I just don't understand how all some people strive for is to look the best, to be the most desirable, constantly trying to prove themselves to everyone else.  Maybe this is where I go wrong. I feel relatively unknown and insignificant in comparison to everyone around me. It's like you have to be "out there" to be worth knowing. Not everyone is like this I know, but I feel like more and more people are losing themselves and becoming clones of everyone else. I worry that this is happening to me.

I love life. And I love a lot of people around me. I do know some amazing people, even though what I've written so far could imply otherwise.I'm not an outcast. When I say I'm not an outcast, I mean that I don't appear to be. I can imagine that from other peoples perspectives, I'm just an extremely average girl. Lots of friends, yes. Yet I still often feel out of place or left out. This creates a vicious cycle, as when I feel left out I retract further into my shell, which doesn't improve the situation. I expect that I will use this blog to rant about a lot of things, but I do intend to write about things I feel positively about also. I'm not sure here how to end this, so I guess it will end like this.